Monday, April 11, 2011

New Directions

I am beginning to hate my job, or resent the people and the company I work for; I feel like they are holding me back - making me do things that are not high on my priority list but not allowing me to do the things that are important to me and make me better at my job. It's not the management style I would like to work with either, the structure of the company pigeon holes you with the department you work in or the role you are in and they give the impression it's all about you and they are supportive etc, but really they don't want to move on to bigger and better things but talk you into liking your job or thinking you can get more out of it than you currently are. I'm now in a role where I can't move any further up, just across - into another department but still doing the same thing, under the same management and still having the same issues to deal with. The guys I work for in my department cause me a lot of stress and put me under a lot of pressure because I don't believe they are doing their jobs properly, so in turn I end up being the scapegoat but the guys I don't work for in my department are so much fun and friendly and easy going and I can't imagine my working life without them in it.

One of the reasons I think my social life has been put on the back burner is because a couple of years ago when I was promoted to my current role I got too involved in work. I was working late most nights of the week, getting home late and then got into the habit of doing it - having to cancel social functions because of work thinking it would pay off in the long run, but it hasn't. And of course the people you work with get used to it and then start to expect it. So since the new year I've been trying to put the breaks on that type of work lifestyle and bring in the work/life balance thing that everyone talks about. It's been really hard because not doing the extra hours causes stress and angst between everyone - the work is not getting done, we all have deadlines, everyone gets narky at each other, my workload gets bigger, there's backlog and so on. And if I do do the work, I get stressed and tired, shitty that I don't have a social life, having to do the work for free, not getting any time off in lieu etc. It's a lose lose situation really and the only option I can come up with is to leave and move on. Even though I'm unhappy, it has made me re-assess everything and wonder if I'm just fed up with doing the same old thing all the time, talking to brick walls and and having no opportunity to grow.

So I've been looking for a new job but it's really hard to find the perfect role from a job advertisement. I've had a couple of interviews and while I'm playing the waiting game now I'm wondering if this is the right thing to do. I'm not worried about starting a new job because I know I can do it, whichever role I apply for otherwise I wouldn't be applying for it. But I'm always worrying about what is the right decision and where my life is going. I know it's a good thing to move on and grow and meet new people and learn new things etc and I know that if any of my friends were to ask me what I think of this situation, I would say 'JUST DO IT!', surely no bad can come from taking a new job? I think it's the stepping out of my comfort zone that is getting to me and the fact that I want to do so many things which I feel like I can't do while I'm in this role...am I asking too much? Can I make this happen? I am the only person who can answer that, like I am the only person stopping myself from doing anything.

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