Second Chances - Take II

This post is in reference to my last post Second Chance?

So it turns out that second chances don't exist. I haven't been waiting this long to tell you, I did realise a while ago, but just haven't had time to tell you.

I think that those people we consider to get a second chance at something just haven't had their chapter closed, it's still open, as if you haven't finished living it yet. But in my case; in this case, I closed my chapter last year when I decided it wasn't going to work with that guy. Now I don't know if that is because I knew something without actually knowing that I knew it (like how my life was meant to pan out), if that makes sense, or if that's just how this life thing works. Anyway, no second chances there, but at least I got to say sorry. And if you're wondering, I got no response from my email. Nothing. But oh well. Next!

Second Chance?

I've always believed in second chances but at the same time I've always lived by the motto to look forward and never look back. It's a contradiction in itself. How can I have a second chance at something if I never go back to something I thought was finished?

I have always thought I'd never leave a job at one company, to move onto another company and then in time go back to the first company. And people that go back to exes are thought to be gluttons for punishment because the relationship didn't work for a reason and they are still going to have the same problems the second time around... And I've never been one to break my own rules; rules are in place for a reason.

But things feel different for me now, I feel I need to go back and fix something I broke. Last year I met a man who at the time I thought was everything I had ever hoped for in a partner. He was fun, patient, willing to teach me things (like camping!), wanted to travel, was handy, funny, cheeky, a good cook, relaxed, level headed, educated, caring and sensitive yet I couldn't feel the spark; I couldn't make it happen no matter how much pressure I put on myself. At the time I just thought maybe he just isn't the one for me - he is everything except for the spark and maybe this just meant that I was getting closer to meeting the one. I met this man just a few weeks after ending something that I thought was the real thing, someone who broke my heart. I thought that if I just got back out into the dating scene, my broken heart would just mend, just like that. But it didn't. It probably made things worse because I know that I hurt someone who I would never have hurt otherwise. I treated this nice man with disregard, the same way that I have been treated in the past, I know how it feels to be hurt and 'led on' like that, although I had no feelings, my feeling mechanism was broken and I didn't realise. And I was putting pressure on myself to make it work which was also causing problems. I tried to explain to him the best I could that he was wonderful and everything I had wanted but I wasn't feeling anything and that I didn't want to lead him on anymore, but I know he probably thinks that was just an excuse.

Anyway, in the last couple of months, I have been thinking about him a lot. I want to get back in touch with him and explain things properly, now that I know exactly what was going on in my head and my heart. In my haste to move on from him I deleted all contacts for him and now I'm struggling to get in touch with him without seeming stalker-ish. I have him at arms length at the moment and I hate that I can't just talk to him and explain. I have left him a message on a dating site which he'll see next time he's on line but he probably doesn't want to talk to me, and why would he?

So that's me in a nutshell for the time being. Will I get a second chance, and if I do, will I always feel that I owe him something and how do I know if the feelings will ever be there - what if they aren't? Anyway, I think I'm getting a head of myself a bit; it is more likely that I will never get to talk to him again. And I'm ok with that; at least I know that I've given it a go.

Life Without Facebook

About ten days ago my Facebook account was ‘disabled’ because I couldn’t remember my password. At the time I thought it was the end of the world and the week ahead ensured big withdrawal symptoms.

How was I going to get through life not having access to all my friends’ photos, weekend antics, status updates etc?

Well after waiting for Facebook to get back to me for a week and having first been told not to open a new account as that will confuse them when they get around to searching for my account and un-disabling me, I then had another go at contacting them and got a response saying how sorry they are that I am having difficulties but they can not answer every email but are reading my reports. Well that’s really helpful isn’t it!?

So we are now at week two of not having access to Facebook and I’m starting to be very thankful. I didn’t realise before how addicted I was! I would have Facebook logged in each night while I sat and watched television, checking in every so often on what all my friends were up to, stalking people I didn’t know, or did know but weren’t ‘friends’ with etc etc. Now I have time to do other things….like, read. I used to read a lot but then in the last few years found I couldn’t find the time. So I’m reading, and I’m going for walks after work, and I’m talking to friends on the phone instead of via Facebook.

At the moment I’m happy being disabled from Facebook; I’m not holding my breath that they will ever get back to me (I suppose they do have 50,000,000 other helpdesk queries to contend with) and I probably will open up another account. There are photos of people’s weddings I want to see, and friend’s kids growing up etc, but apart from that I don’t miss it now. On the other hand, if it was my choice not to use Facebook, knowing that I could access it at any time, I don’t think I would have been very good at keeping away from it.

I hope my ‘friends’ are missing me though. I didn’t get to say goodbye or tell them where I was going or how to reach me now. I wonder if they have even noticed that I’m not there anymore….

Eat So They Can

Over the holidays when I had time to watch day time television, I was watching a cooking show where one of the contestants was talking about a charity she works for, Eat So They Can.

Eat So They Can is an international fundraiser that invites citizens of the world to participate in what is collectively one huge dinner party 16-17 October 2010. People from all over the world will host a meal and ask their friends and family members to make a donation towards ending child poverty.

All donations will go towards GVN Foundation's Global Fund to support children, women, emergency relief and anti-trafficking initiatives. GVN Foundation is an international charity that is working to end child poverty around the globe.

Please join me and consider hosting an event yourself. Follow these steps to get started!

1. Sign up as a host at www.eatsotheycan.org
2. Log-in to your host page using the username and password which you will be emailed. Click ‘Modify My Event’ so that you can upload your photo and add information about your event.
3. Invite your friends and family to your event by sending an email with a link to your host page.
4. Organise your event making use of all the great resources you will be sent by the ESTC team such as our DVD, posters, fact sheets, stickers and event ideas.
5. Host your event!

So that's what I'm going to do, I'm going to host my own dinner party, for 30 or so people, pool-side. And I'm really looking forward to it.

Come and join me and host your own dinner party; what better reason is there to share food with your friends and family and helping those less fortunate than ourselves.

Sign up today!

The Year That Was (aka 2010)

So, the year I hoped to create a better life for myself is over and done with. And it was a crappy year, really. Crappy love life, crappy worklife, crappy money woes. But it was the year I realised and learnt a lot about myself.

I learnt that to create yourself is not something that is going to happen over night or in one year, or is not going to happen by the things you do and see and make yourself do, in a way; you are creating yourself everyday of your life; creating and learning. By making yourself do new things, meet new people, you are in turn creating new ways of learning new things about yourself (does that make sense?).

Looking back at last year, I have learnt that I wear my heart on my sleeve - BIG TIME. And although I fall hard, I have just as much to give to the right person. Although the one relationship I had last year is not the relationship to take me into the new year, and many years to come, he came into my life for a reason. He taught me what I don't want, and concreted what I do want in life and in a partner. He reminded me that I won't settle for just anyone, and I am better off on my own than being in a relationship where I don't know if I'm Arthur or Martha. Although it was a crappy time, I'm glad to have done it and experienced it and I hope I have become a better person for it.

Last year was also a pretty stressful time for me work-wise. Just plodding along in a job doesn't do it for me anymore, and I have learnt that if you don't speak up, you will get shafted! Nice girls don't get the corner office, after all. This year I'm going in knowing what I want out of my job and how I'm going to get it... Stay tuned!

And lastly, first full year of owning my own home...well, after 14 years of working and not ever really saving much but doing everything and anything I wanted, when I wanted and living life spontaneously, this year I learnt how to budget, and that I HATE RESPONSIBILITIES (although as it is a part of growing up I am open to it) !!! But ok, I know we need to start somewhere, and I've started. Being too broke to put petrol in the car, or go out even just to the movies or having to eat beans on toast for the last week until pay day is gone - I GOT A PAYRISE (and I'm going to save some of that payrise every month and plan for my future - I want to be one of those 'financially stable' people you so often hear about) !!!

I'm feeling good about 2011. This is MY year. I am already in the process of losing weight - we are on day 8 of 365 days of 2011 and I've already lost 1 kg (albeit, many more to come) and changed my daily lifestyle to include a healthier way of living, I have created a budget that matches my salary and is not $1,500 more than what I receive in my salary each month (as was last years') and I have bought 'stamps' (those in the know will know what I'm talking about here) and I'm going to start initiating contact with men and being more assertive in all things Courtney - no more Miss Shy who sits back and waits; look out Universe, here I come!!

Stories of Achievement

You probably all know that I follow the Bossy Blog from the www.news.com.au website, which, come every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I can't wait to get home to read the Dear Bossy posts. Last week I had my spirits lifted from their normally good/balanced state to a proud and overwhelmed state; overwhelmed with positive feelings.

Last week Bossy asked all her followers to comment on their achievements in life. Usually the blog brings about negativities and problems that need addressing, but for a change there was so much positivity in the reader's comments, it was fantastic. And I want to share these posts with you.

The 'winning' post can be found below, but please also visit Bossy's original post, because although this post by 'Dragon' won the Red Balloon prize, I think everyone who contributed should be very happy and proud of their achievements.

I have a fantastic relationship with my family and a wonderful son who gives me reason to be proud of him every single day.

I am kind, generous, faithful, honest, loyal, and an excellent listener.

I have great friends, and recently found the courage to walk away from a few who turned out to be not so great.

I moved countries at 21, bought my own house at 27 and owned it outright by 32.

I met the ‘love on my life’ at 30 then lived in an abusive marriage to a (since diagnosed) sociopath for 12 years before I finally realised that it WASN’T all my fault. I survived. I am still sane, and trusting and loving. The demons aren’t quite banished, but I’m working on it.

I have two investment properties. A decent car. Money in the bank, no personal debt.

I love my own company.

I can see beauty in small things.

I haven’t broken through the glass ceiling, but I’ve managed to deliver a hairline crack.

I have travelled to New Zealand, Bali, America, Canada, Singapore and Thailand.

I can hook up a trailer, change a tyre and a wiper blade and check my cars oil, water and air pressure all on my own.

I sometimes dream very specific things that later come true. Big time. And I don’t even believe in that stuff.

I read at least two books a week.

I am imaginative and eloquent. I write passable poetry, very good letters and everyone's resumes.

I can cook – no, really cook. Like Nigella!

I have a flair for decorating and people always love the ‘feel’ of my house. I have a green thumb and an acre of garden to prove it.

I can paint, take a good photograph, draw and sing, but I can’t dance, play an instrument, tell jokes or draw attention to myself in a crowd.

I can ride a horse at a flat gallop, obedience train a dog and house-train a pig. I am not afraid of snakes, rats, toads or spiders.

I can use a screwdriver, a drop saw and a shifting spanner.

I once saved, rehabilitated and trained a starving horse that everyone else thought would die, and then donated the beautiful result to Riding for The Disabled.

Next year I am starting my own business.

...and I am a great-aunt as of about 2 mins ago so I’m out of here!

What are your achievements?

Why do 'men' seek the services of prostitutes?

Why is it such a taboo subject? As someone said to me to day, when your car breaks down, you seek the services of a professional mechanic to fix it, so why not seek the professional services of a prostitute when your sexual activity frequency has broken down? So what is so wrong with that?

Is it only us fellow women that it makes feel squirmish and disrespected, or do some men feel the same. Are there only a requirement for this profession because of the men who already use this service, or do prostitutes actually like their jobs? Do they not feel degraded at all?

Who uses the services of Prostitutes? The types of men we all hear about: Men who are unfaithful, single men who want some love and attention, men who have a lot of money, men who want some 'no strings attached' fun. But have we ever really thought about WHY? Could it be because we women are so high maintenance these days? Are we women who must be cared for by a man and seen as otherwise helpless in life? Always needing attention and demanding the security of our man? While a lot of us will see this as an exaggeration, thanks to the old fashioned ways of the world and publications such as "The Good Wife's Guide", society has conditioned men to believe that this is true, making their relationships suffer when it comes to a man who wishes to have his needs met.

What does a prostitute do? A prostitute acts as a slave to a man’s needs. An actress, although to the man, he doesn't care that what he is receiving for his money is a one-sided play and an act that he gets to be nothing but a prop in. This is the man’s time to shine and get whatever erotic behaviour he has in mind – no questions asked, no strings attached and no need to reciprocate. A prostitute is sought out when a man wishes to let go and selfishly indulge in his desires without having to give anything back to the woman who performs for him.

So what it comes down to is a weakness. Men acquire prostitution because they cannot handle what is expected of them as men and want to be entirely selfish in their actions even when what society shows most women to be is false. Prostitutes are wanted by the men who don’t want to sexually please their wives or even care about her desires. He does not want to be in a relationship; instead, he wants someone who will make him look like a “family man” who cares about and loves his family so he can get a few votes from the 'boys'. He wants this while he can also go behind his wife’s back and get his needs met while constantly complaining that his wife wants too much from him.

My advise is to find a man who is strong, committed, honest and trustworthy. A man who you are comfortable enough with to know he will treat you the same, as you deserve to be treated. And a man who knows how to treat a lady right and is a real man; a real man who has no shame in showing it.