Stories of Achievement

You probably all know that I follow the Bossy Blog from the www.news.com.au website, which, come every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I can't wait to get home to read the Dear Bossy posts. Last week I had my spirits lifted from their normally good/balanced state to a proud and overwhelmed state; overwhelmed with positive feelings.

Last week Bossy asked all her followers to comment on their achievements in life. Usually the blog brings about negativities and problems that need addressing, but for a change there was so much positivity in the reader's comments, it was fantastic. And I want to share these posts with you.

The 'winning' post can be found below, but please also visit Bossy's original post, because although this post by 'Dragon' won the Red Balloon prize, I think everyone who contributed should be very happy and proud of their achievements.

I have a fantastic relationship with my family and a wonderful son who gives me reason to be proud of him every single day.

I am kind, generous, faithful, honest, loyal, and an excellent listener.

I have great friends, and recently found the courage to walk away from a few who turned out to be not so great.

I moved countries at 21, bought my own house at 27 and owned it outright by 32.

I met the ‘love on my life’ at 30 then lived in an abusive marriage to a (since diagnosed) sociopath for 12 years before I finally realised that it WASN’T all my fault. I survived. I am still sane, and trusting and loving. The demons aren’t quite banished, but I’m working on it.

I have two investment properties. A decent car. Money in the bank, no personal debt.

I love my own company.

I can see beauty in small things.

I haven’t broken through the glass ceiling, but I’ve managed to deliver a hairline crack.

I have travelled to New Zealand, Bali, America, Canada, Singapore and Thailand.

I can hook up a trailer, change a tyre and a wiper blade and check my cars oil, water and air pressure all on my own.

I sometimes dream very specific things that later come true. Big time. And I don’t even believe in that stuff.

I read at least two books a week.

I am imaginative and eloquent. I write passable poetry, very good letters and everyone's resumes.

I can cook – no, really cook. Like Nigella!

I have a flair for decorating and people always love the ‘feel’ of my house. I have a green thumb and an acre of garden to prove it.

I can paint, take a good photograph, draw and sing, but I can’t dance, play an instrument, tell jokes or draw attention to myself in a crowd.

I can ride a horse at a flat gallop, obedience train a dog and house-train a pig. I am not afraid of snakes, rats, toads or spiders.

I can use a screwdriver, a drop saw and a shifting spanner.

I once saved, rehabilitated and trained a starving horse that everyone else thought would die, and then donated the beautiful result to Riding for The Disabled.

Next year I am starting my own business.

...and I am a great-aunt as of about 2 mins ago so I’m out of here!

What are your achievements?

Why do 'men' seek the services of prostitutes?

Why is it such a taboo subject? As someone said to me to day, when your car breaks down, you seek the services of a professional mechanic to fix it, so why not seek the professional services of a prostitute when your sexual activity frequency has broken down? So what is so wrong with that?

Is it only us fellow women that it makes feel squirmish and disrespected, or do some men feel the same. Are there only a requirement for this profession because of the men who already use this service, or do prostitutes actually like their jobs? Do they not feel degraded at all?

Who uses the services of Prostitutes? The types of men we all hear about: Men who are unfaithful, single men who want some love and attention, men who have a lot of money, men who want some 'no strings attached' fun. But have we ever really thought about WHY? Could it be because we women are so high maintenance these days? Are we women who must be cared for by a man and seen as otherwise helpless in life? Always needing attention and demanding the security of our man? While a lot of us will see this as an exaggeration, thanks to the old fashioned ways of the world and publications such as "The Good Wife's Guide", society has conditioned men to believe that this is true, making their relationships suffer when it comes to a man who wishes to have his needs met.

What does a prostitute do? A prostitute acts as a slave to a man’s needs. An actress, although to the man, he doesn't care that what he is receiving for his money is a one-sided play and an act that he gets to be nothing but a prop in. This is the man’s time to shine and get whatever erotic behaviour he has in mind – no questions asked, no strings attached and no need to reciprocate. A prostitute is sought out when a man wishes to let go and selfishly indulge in his desires without having to give anything back to the woman who performs for him.

So what it comes down to is a weakness. Men acquire prostitution because they cannot handle what is expected of them as men and want to be entirely selfish in their actions even when what society shows most women to be is false. Prostitutes are wanted by the men who don’t want to sexually please their wives or even care about her desires. He does not want to be in a relationship; instead, he wants someone who will make him look like a “family man” who cares about and loves his family so he can get a few votes from the 'boys'. He wants this while he can also go behind his wife’s back and get his needs met while constantly complaining that his wife wants too much from him.

My advise is to find a man who is strong, committed, honest and trustworthy. A man who you are comfortable enough with to know he will treat you the same, as you deserve to be treated. And a man who knows how to treat a lady right and is a real man; a real man who has no shame in showing it.

A Woman's Intuition

You've probably heard the saying 'trust your instincts' but do you ever really listen to what your instincts are telling you, or do you just fob them off?

I think I am pretty in-tune with my body and my instincts and what they are telling me; but sometimes I don't want to listen, even though I am hearing them loud and clear. And sometimes I don't hear them until later on and then I look back and realise that something was wrong but I just wasn't picking up on it for whatever reason.

Like the times you have a change in your weight; either a loss or a gain that is unusual, or when you have bad skin/acne problems etc., or your moods change, or you feel uneasy around someone etc.

Or say you know someone and there are little inklings in the back of your mind that don't seem quite right about them but you can't quite put your finger on what is actually wrong.

Or when you are seeing someone and they say the sex is great but you are not feeling the same and actually, you don't even feel them full stop! Or what about the fact they can't even get it up...do you think that might be a sign?

Or when they make such a big song and dance about a simple question; do you think that that is because they are lying? Like the time he invites a female friend to stay the weekend and wants a 'break' from your relationship because her 'Nana died' and he is asked where she was sleeping and he tries to make you feel guilty for not trusting him because he's 'not like that', when in fact he actually is and she shared his bed with him after all.

Not to mention the fact that he has no close friends, and doesn't let anyone in and is only 'friends' with people to use them and get what he wants from them. Or maybe the fact that he's out of work and has no money to pay the bills, is on anti depressants and has lost his license.

Maybe the fact that he splits with his girlfriend, the one he says 'I love you' to and wants to spend the rest of his life with and the same night proposes to his supposed 'ex, psycho girlfriend', Jacqui which only ends up lasting 3 days after she dumps his sorry arse, and who happens to have been on the scene the whole time, not to mention all the others...Anne and Sally to name but a few.

Sometimes you don't hear the things your intuition is telling you until you are ready to hear it. But thankfully for me, this time, I heard it loud and clear and soon got myself out of that situation.

A Crush

You know when you are younger and you have a major crush on a boy from school and all you can do is think about him; day dreaming all day long, thinking what you will say when he looks your way; day dreaming about your first conversation, your first kiss, when he'll ask you out on a date...

I used to get major major crushes when I was at school, and felt like everyone must know about it and I would go out of my way making sure no one knew. Well, I haven't had any of those feelings towards a guy for such a long time, I can't even remember the last 'crush' I had on someone.

I'm always looking for that instant click, attraction with someone; but I just can't find it. Will I ever get it again or is it something that fades with age, is it only a school girl thing?

How do you know when you first meet someone if it is worth giving a shot when there is no initial spark and how do you know that if you decide not to give it a shot, that you've made the right decision and you are not lucking out on something that could be fantastic? How much of a go do you need to give it before you give up? This is one of my dilemma's in life because I don't want to miss out on meeting that special someone because of my impatience or indecisiveness. Have I already met him, am I going to get another chance, or is he still to come?

People say that you just know when you have met the one. I think I have "known" on a few occasions that he was the one, but then he wasn't and I look back and think 'what was I thinking', so...how do you really know?

See, I'm getting impatient. I'm sick of waiting! I just want to get on to the next chapter - meet Mr Perfect, build a life together, have kids and live in my dream home. Is that too much to ask?

Ugly Fat Man who Snores, Sweats & Smells Bad Seeks Cinderella

Dear Mr Potential

It's one thing to write your own profile but have a friend check it, compared to having a friend write your profile for you. Do you think we're not going to know when we start chatting to you on email and you can't string a sentence together or don't know that the spacebar even exists?

Your profile was sounding great until I got to this sentence, "I know some chicks find this important, so can I sheepishly say that I've been told and noticed I'm good in bed, but I have to feel comfortable with you. Now how arrogant do I feel!" And there are some chicks who hate any mention of bedroom activities when they are looking for a serious relationship. Why would anyone write something like this on a serious dating site? And then I get to the last sentence, "Preferably you have never been beaten, abused or traumatised by family, friends or previous partners!" Wow, you're really selling yourself... this profile is definitely going to stick in my mind.

It's amazing how many guys say "I love a good chick flick". Now really - do you think we believe that? You love long walks along the beach, cuddles on the couch in front of a dvd on a Sunday arvo, (what, instead of the footy?). All these things sound great, but we don't want to hear what you think we want to hear, we want to know the real you.

And another thing, it gets boring reading about how you hate self promoting and talking about yourself - well hello, this is internet dating, how else are we going to learn about you? And secondly, there's no point saying "I've never done this type of thing before..." or "Internet Dating is not my thing and I hate to say it's resorted to this.." Yeah good one mate, makes the rest of us feel great too... Do you think that because we have done internet dating before it makes us less of a person? Wow, you're really winning me over...

Unfortunately we are never going to know if what we read on someone's internet dating profile is true, it's hard for all of us, so lets make it as easy, truthful and polite as possible. Nothing wrong with using your brain, and some manners. But then again, I suppose that's why we are all different, what's important to one person, is different for the next. Goodluck!

Regards, Miss Potential

When you have nothing to say, but end up saying something after all

I wish I was one of those people who could just blog about anything and everything, all the time. But instead I go for weeks between posts because I don't have anything to say.

I always want to write something, but I just don't know what. I wonder if writing about my dating life will become monotonous because it's all I seem to do. Although, it's not, of course, but I don't want anyone to think that's all I have going for me; although I suppose we are talking about the single life of a 30-something gal. I wonder if writing about the interesting people I come in contact with each day on public transport will take up enough lines to make a decent post and I wonder if the story of trying a new recipe, it going horribly wrong and having to bake another, from an old favourite recipe that ends up turning out perfectly, as usual, is the type of thing people are looking for? So then I spend hours trawling other people's blogs trying to find inspiration, but still can't find that 'thing' to talk about.

I wish I was one of those people who are happy to park in the furtherest car park from the entrance to the shops, and I wish I was one of those people who liked to walk everywhere. I wish I had more money and didn't have to do research for accommodation for my upcoming trip and could just book something now. I wish I could drink more than 2 glasses and I wish I could find 1 man, like the last 2 but mooshed together.

I wish I had a full garden full of flowers but instead I bought a little apartment with no garden and I have a borrowed piece of dirt in a communal garden with 3 yellow tulips and 6 more to flower. I wish I had a little dog to keep me company, and to take walking but instead I have no backyard but a lovely little apartment with polished floorboards and patio overlooking the pool.

So, for the time being, my life consists of blog posts every once in a while; enjoying the lovely spring weather that Perth has to offer while pottering around in my 9 tulip garden and getting excited each day that another one flowers. I am focusing on walking 10,000 steps a day (10,000 steps a day keeps the doctor away) and eating healthy and going on a 'bank diet'. My dating days are still on going. By no means am I the desperate and dateless serial dater I dread and often see out there, I am the girl who is seriously looking for Mr Right, not just Mr Right Now. So if that means I have to meet a 'few toads' before I find my prince, then so be it, that is what I will do. I am the girl who is always looking for a challenge, the girl who feels she's done as much as she can in her current role and is ready to move on to bigger and better things. I am the girl who is content with life, but always looking for more; always bored but never bored at the same time.

I am that girl you see at a cafe, sitting and reading on her own, oblivious to the looks of envy around her; wishing you were more like her. I am the girl I have always wanted to be, with a little room left for improvement.

A few of my favourite things

Reading in cafes
People watching
Eating cake with friends and gossiping
Cooking and entertaining
Twenty five degree days
Restaurants and eating out
Shopping
The first nights sleep on clean sheets
The smell of freshly mowed lawn
Flowers on my kitchen table
Doing nice things for other people
Chocolate!
A cup of tea and a magazine
Peace and quiet
Dancing around the house to my favourite song
Laughing
Visitors
Birds
Weddings
Exploring
Travelling
The colour pink
My dear friends
Breaky in the sunshine
Pamper sessions
Seeing a film at Cygnet Cinemas
Handmade crafty things
Reading other people's blogs
My little house in Como
Hand sewing
My family
Interior decorating
Oroton
Fancy Pants Dinner Club
Picnics and barbecues
Outdoor cinemas
Concerts in Kings Park
Beads
Jewellery
Matching bags and shoes
Banana flavoured icecream
Boutiques
Kisses and hugs
Smiles and laughter

Too good to be true

Who was the bastard to invent this saying? He has a lot to answer for.

What is so wrong with things being perfect, why can't anything be perfect for the here and now? This saying just makes you doubt yourself and put a negative spin on things, where's the good in that?

I could possibly have ruined something that seemed pretty perfect in the here and now because some negative bastard made me doubt myself.

I bet Mr TooGoodToBeTrue never had anything good happen to him so he had to make sure no one got to experience anything good. If this saying was never invented we'd all get to experience perfectness all the time. So what if things don't turn out for the positive in the long run, why can't we just be happy with a little bit of perfect right now?

A betrayed heart

Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more."
~Erica Jong

I have been wanting to write this post for a while, but I haven't known what to write, even though there's been quite a lot going on. But I now think that it hasn't been the right time, and I had to wait until the end of that chapter before I could write about it. I think I'm there now, but in a way I wish I wasn't, or I hadn't even started this chapter.

I had a relationship; a relationship I thought was going to last forever. I had a boyfriend for the first time in years and I thought he was the one and I believed him when he said he wanted to settle down with me. I kept wanting to write something about it, telling the world how happy I was, but for whatever reason I just couldn't find the words or the time to write anything. And now, here I am, with all the time in the world to write about it, but not writing the story I originally hoped for.

I haven't been in a serious relationship for such a long time that I have forgotten what it feels like to break up with someone. I honestly don't know how people do this all the time; my friends keep telling me I have to get back on my horse but I really can't think of anything worse at the moment, the thought of it actually makes me feel sick. I know I have to take the risk, but do I really want to go through this again? But of course I don't want to miss out on all those wonderful feelings either... or become one of those bitter and twisted spinsters!

As much as I am sad and disappointed and shocked and so hurt by his actions, I don't regret the time we spent together. He showed me that I can still love wholeheartedly and the walls I've always had up around me for so long do come down quite easily after all. Although I am extremely hurt, for some reason I still really care about him when I wish I could just hate him right now.

I blame all this on the eclipse of last month. Thanks eclipse. My horoscopes have been saying that I needed something to mix up my life a bit, to help me figure out what I really want, to move on from the past and into the future and I think, to remind me that I won't settle.

It's now onwards and upwards for me. So here we go, lets see what the next chapter of my life brings. I sometimes I wish I could just turn my feelings on and off like some people, but I suppose that's part of what makes me who I am and why someone, one day will want me in their lives forever.

Me, Myself & I

It's been a while since I've written to you, Blogworld. I haven't been feeling like I've had a lot to say, although I've been so busy at the same time. I'm feeling very disillusioned about a number of things at the moment, so today I'm having a Me Day.

This Me Day has been coming for a while but I just haven't had time because of other things going on; busy doing something or other. So today I'm doing a few of my favourite things.

Firstly, to sleep in. Check. Usually I can't sleep in past 7.30am and lately I've been waking up at 5.30am; but today I woke at 5.30am and then went back to sleep...until 9.30am! And I'm so proud of me :)

Secondly, to listen to a few of my favourite tunes. Check. I've just sat down to write to you after updating my iTunes so I can have a bit of 'zone out' time and listen to my new fave tunes while I write to you; therapeutic, as I've said before.

Unfortunately, I have to do a couple of jobs too. So after my sleep in I chucked a load of washing on. I really need to get my bedroom/laundry issue sorted. For those of you who know me will know that I'm a tidy freak in the rest of my house, and will be surprised to learn that my bedroom isn't the same. I like it to be tidy and my bed never goes unmade, but I'm not so great at putting my clothes away. So at the moment I've got clothes hanging over my bed posts, washing basket etc, which need to be sorted, and clean clothes in baskets to be folded and ironed and put away. Fingers crossed I can get motivated enough to sort this out today because this could be one of the reasons my life feels in disarray at the moment. I just need the motivation to do it....

Now back to the good me things. I love the MasterChef and My Kitchen Rules series' and I've missed quite a few of the MC shows over the last few weeks, so today I want to catch up on a couple of my favourite episodes - first one being the Friday night Master Class. I love the show, and it gets me all inspired to cook but watching the stress levels and blubbering contestants isn't really doing it for this season. So Master Class is a good episode to catch up on what was cooked during the week, but cooked the real way, by professionals, with no stress. And then of course, I want to watch my other favourite show of the week, Grey's Anatomy. Lately with everything that has been going on I've just been too tired to stay up to 9.30pm to finish watching the whole episode, as I've been going to bed at 8.30pm.

I also want to make my first ever Moussaka, so that's dinner sorted. This comes from watching MasterChef of course, and whenever they do the Invention Test and have to make something up out of the few ingredients they are given, I freak out as to what I would make if I was on the show. Not so good at on the spot decisions like that. So I have come up with this little game of making something semi normal each week that I haven't made before, so if I'm ever in that situation (which is very unlikely due to the stress levels and my non ability to handle stress) I want to be able to cook a few dishes that 'everyone' seems to be able to make, except me (at least I'll know what the ingredients are!). The only other MC dish I've had time to make since the series started, this year is the Donna Hay Pavlova, which didn't work out quite like it was meant to. But I've got a few recipes printed off in my file that I want to make...soon.

The last on my list for today is to take my book and a couple of magazines I subscribe to but haven't had time to read yet, to my fave little cafe and sit and have a cup of tea (and maybe a piece of cake), watch the world go by as I flick through my magazines and read a chapter or so of my book. I always seem to have a book on the go, and I've got a pile of books to read from friends who have passed on a good read, but I never find a lot of time to sit and read except for the 20 mins to and from work each day, so it takes me a while to read a book, hence I love it when I find time to sit for an hour or so and read, enough time to get engrossed in someone elses life and have a break from my own.

So now that I've finished my first therapeutic Me Day task of writing to you, I'm off to hang out my washing and watch Master Chef.

See you again soon, C xx

About a girl

This is a note about a friend who I went to school with. She was my best friend at school, we were great friends for about 7 years. We lost contact after leaving school and mixing with different people, studying different things, moving to different parts of the city and then different countries but I always thought of her and wondered how she was and where she was and what she was doing.

In the time we grew apart from each she went on to get married and have three beautiful children. We've seen each other once in the last four years, and kept in touch via emails/facebook etc but it wasn't until the last three years or so that I really started to get to know her.

In the last three years her little girl, her only daughter was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma. Neuroblastoma is a cancer of childhood that grows in the nervous system. Her name is Imogen. Imogen doesn't have much longer to live.

Since Imogen has been fighting Neuroblastoma, her mum has been writing a blog for her, a blog which I believe is her way of dealing with the monster killing her little girl. Through this blog I have learnt that my friend is the strongest person I know and a person I am honoured to say is my friend. I feel like I know her family without having met them before. Imogen is the perfect little girl, only 5 but yet so grown up for her age, so full of life, so bubbly, so caring for her mum and so beautiful.

Over the past three years I check in to see if the blog has been updated on a weekly and monthly basis; each time hoping that there is some good news; that Imogen has won the fight against the monster. She has been in remission and we all hoped for the best, until the last hurdle a few months ago when she relapsed and was given only months to live.

Over the past few months, I have checked the blog on a more regular basis, and recently a daily basis, as we wait for the pain to end and Imogen leaves our world and continues on with her journey of making such a massive impact on other people's lives. A journey of sunshine, love and laughter.

I think of my friend and her family on a daily basis and wonder how she does it. She is the most amazing woman I know. We are the same age yet I can not imagine having to deal with the things she has had to deal with in the last three years. So this is to my friend; you are one amazing woman and I can only hope that one day I will have a slither of the strength and amazing attitude that you have. I'm very sorry that you have to go through this pain, I just hope that the pain ends for you soon; Immie will always be in our hearts - you should be proud of the little girl you brought into this world. xx

Mr Nice Guy vs Mr Not Going To Happen

After my realisation the other day, I teed up a 'meeting' with a guy I had been chatting to from RSVP for a while. We had been chatting on messenger for about a month; we had tried a couple of times to tee something up but it never eventuated. This is Mr Nice Guy. He's a nice guy, can't fault anything - he has a 9-5pm job, great social life, and great friends by the sounds of it. A close family, he drives a car (albeit, not a Holden...), he's polite and onto it (organised our first 'meeting' without even blinking), we have a nice, easy conversation - so what more could I ask for?!

This weekend I'm seeing him again, for our second 'meeting'. My turn to organise; just the movies and a bite to eat afterwards, something easy and casual. So I'm trying very hard not to find that reason to 'sabotage' this...thing we have going here. Although, I can already think of reasons, I'm just pushing those thoughts to the back of my mind and trying not to think about them.

Last night I had a drink with Mr Not Going To Happen. We get on so well, lots of laughs, talk about everything and everyone, little bit of flirting etc, but it is not going to happen. Why? Because he's already taken. I get it but I don't get it at the same time. I know I said in my last post that I think I go for these guys because I open up to them, let them see the real me - no holds barred, but I just can't be like that with potential suitors for some reason. Why?! Am I scared I'm not going to like what they see/hear? But Mr Not Going To Happen likes it, so why wouldn't Mr Nice Guy? I just need to relax, I know that, but gee, it's hard changing your ways after so long of being that way.

So lets call it a date. I'm going on date number two with a potential suitor and nice guy, tomorrow night. Wish me luck!

Well, well, well...

I've had a realisation this week; with a little help from my friends. You know how your friends can say they've been telling you something for years but you hear them but you aren't listening? Well this has happened to me. And now I'm listening.

The realisation? I sabotage relationships. When I first started contemplating this I was thinking that maybe I do do this, but after spending the weekend away from my normal life (Sydney) and with a very good friend who reminded me of all the times I have done this in the past, I now realise that yes, I do do this, and I have been doing it for years and didn't even realise until now. I never once thought that this was something I do. I often hear of other people doing this; in the movies, in other people's blogs etc, but never once did I think 'I do that'.

I've been wondering lately why attached guys seem to be the only guys who are interested in me. But, I now realise that is not the whole case. I give myself to them and I let them in because they are safe. I know that the relationship will never even become a relationship, it is already doomed from the start; and I know that I will never do anything with them, it will never become more than a friendship, but at least I won't get hurt and I'm in control.

When I meet a nice guy I always find some reason for it not to work. And they are usually silly reasons, for example... He has blonde hair. He's an inch shorter than me. He is younger than me. He is too enthusiastic!! Like these traits really matter in the scheme of things?! I often think that no man ever likes me, but they do, I just don't let them. I have all these rules and as soon as one of them is broken, it must 'mean' something, and I end it. I make the rules up as I go, so I can break them as I go too, whenever I like.

Of course there has been times when I've liked a guy but they haven't felt the same way about me so I suppose it does balance out a bit, but I am just amazed that this has been going on for so long and I haven't seen it until now.

I read the Bossy blog on www.news.com.au every week and even Bossy was giving advise on the same kind of problem, so it must be my time? I've been 'told' three times in the last week, and now I'm listening.

So next time someone asks me why I'm still single, I can tell them, instead of saying "I don't know, don't you think if I knew I'd do something about it". And that's what I'm doing, stopping what I was doing and starting to do something new. I am going to stop the reinvention of the cycle.

English accents, over-enthusiastic men and yummy food

I don't know what to write about, so let me tell you about a few things that have been going on in my life lately and see if we can make an interesting post out of it!

Ok. This week I took my profile off the dating site. I don't know if this is normal or not, but I just can't get into it. Is it because I'm flirting with someone else who is not on internet dating... I think that has something to do with it. But nothing can happen between me and this other person, so I should just get right back on there shouldn't I?! I have been emailing another guy though, from the dating site, but he's starting to annoy me with his over enthusiasm. Why is it that when we want someone to be interested they aren't and when they are interested they are 'too interested' and annoying? So this guy I've been chatting to on email sends me a couple of really long emails a day, so I said to him that I can't cope with more than one of these long babies a day! Ha! And then we started to chat on messenger; I thought this would slow the long-winded emails down, but now he's emailing me as well as waiting for me on messenger every day. Yesterday we chatted for about an hour on messenger and he sent me 5 emails!! And then asked for some more photos of me.... and said 'do you think it's weird that a guy wants to look at a pretty lady all day?' Um, yes! So I haven't answered yet.

I also had a friend of a friend staying this week - she was passing through from Sydney to London and knew a couple of people here in Perth so decided to stop by for a couple of days. It was so nice to see her, and has made me a bit more excited to see our mutual friend this coming weekend when I go to Sydney. I miss their accent, and it makes me miss London...siiiggh. So we went out for St Pat's Day (as you do) and got a bit merry; it was fun, and I don't know how long it's been since I've been out 'drunk' on a Wednesday night! Probably not since Steve's days.... Oh, they were the days too... I also went out for drinkies the Friday before with the work crew and also managed to get a bit merry there. For those of you who know me, will know that I don't ever drink very much, and as this was my first work crew drink-off (as I've only been with the group for about 6 months and am a huge believer of keeping work and social life separate) they just wanted to get me drunk! And then I proceeded to tell work people things I shouldn't. This is why I don't drink often around work people...and other reasons, but I think we get the gist....

A few months ago my cousin and I started up a Dinner Club where we go to a fancy restaurant once a month and live it up. We get dressed up, drink nice wine, eat lovely food and spend probably a bit more than we'd usually spend when we go out for a meal. So we've each invited some of our own like-minded friends to join our club and this month it ended up being only girls attending - so lots of laughs and a great night was ensured! We went to In Contro in South Perth. I haven't been for a couple of years, but I will say that out of all the restaurants we've been to so far, our meal at In Contro's last night was the best. A bit pricier than the others, but SO SO SO delish!! And I highly recommend it. (Any of you Perthian's may have heard In Contro's in the news recently because Daniel Kerr had his wedding reception there). And I just have to plug the Spanish Style Curry as being the best curry I've ever had!

So far the list is as follows:

Nine Fine Food
Oceanus
The Red Herring
The Grand Palace
In Contro

And last but not least. Another plug. I'm so into the long-line tops that have come out this season. For once, I'm up with the fashions and not a season behind. So I had a little spend up yesterday and bought some leggings and long tops. Hopefully I'll look the part when I go to Sydney this week - or maybe I'll start a new fashion trend over there...haha, I'm so funny!

Until next time...

C xx

Life is like riding a bicycle - in order to keep your balance, you must keep moving.

So I'm back on the cycle...when will it end?

My life goes in a cycle, month to month; year to year. I'm bored with my life, I want to change something, I post a profile on an internet dating site and see if I can meet someone. I might meet a few 'nice' guys but never guys I actually click with, I go on a few dates but then for one reason or another it doesn't work out; I go back to internet dating and there's not much interest. I get bored but push on, this time I want to make a real effort. There's not much interest out there, everyone seems boring - what do I want? I'm bored, I think I might take my profile off, its just not working for me. I still check my internet dating account and I'm getting 'nudge' after 'nudge' and email after email. What's with that? I'm not interested anymore!

I think I think that my boredom comes from being on my own, but now that I think about it, I don't really know if that's it or not. I tend to hear about a lot of people choosing this path in life. Do they think life is better on their own, or is it not by choice after all? Sometimes I think I would choose to be with someone as opposed to being on my own...but...I also think, when it comes down to it, I don't know if I want to be in a relationship... I still want to be able to do as I please, flirt with whoever I want etc. And I definitely can't fit another body in my little apartment (unless he came naked which I'm not opposed to at all). Am I just bored of this cycle? I think so! So for a temporary fix, I'm changing my hairstyle! But it's obvious I need to do something else.... Maybe I don't need a Mr Right, just a Mr Right Now - someone who can help with little jobs around the house, but who will still let me go out and have my single life. Is there such a thing?!

If anyone has any real life experience in this; would love to hear from you!

xx

Summer lovin'

So this weekend in the West has been one busy weekend, and full of new adventures, thoughts and feelings.

On Saturday I went on my little Island Adventure and had a surprisingly good time - and I'm thinking now, why don't I do that more often? There were no fearful bike riding expeditions; I had my first swim in the ocean in a long time; wore bathers in public for the first time in a long time; fell in the ocean out of the tender for the first time ever - and received a lot of cheers in the meantime :); and today I have bruises in very unusual places and skin off my knees...from I don't know what, but overall I had a good time!

And Sunday was spent at birthdays and celebrations. Sunday night I witnessed a very close, long time friend tie-the-knot with her girlfriend. It was so lovely to see so many people there who accept the love they have for each other; I am so glad I could be a part of their special day. I also discovered something about myself I never knew....will this open new doors for me?

It seems to me that people in the gay community can find their special someone a lot easier than those of us who are straight. Why is this, or is it just me who thinks like this? Is it because the gay community is a smaller community than the straight community, therefore they have less options? Or is it because they really do know what they want and it's easier to come by, than with someone of the opposite sex? Or is it even about choice? Every gay person I have ever met has also been so happy, so confident and so sure. Anyway, whatever it is, I am very glad to say I have gay friends. It is opening my eyes to a brand new world - A very fun any happy world. xx

Inspiration

It feels like my life is revolving around blogs a the moment. Ever since I decided to write this blog, everyone is doing the same.

I read blogs that I follow every day and then some that I stumble upon when trying to find some inspiration and doing research. I watched the film Julie & Julia today which is about a girl writing a blog on her mission to cook her way through a French recipe book and of course there's Carrie Bradshaw with her column on SATC. Blogs are everywhere. But they are inspiring and I just keep thinking, maybe one day a newspaper will ask me to write a column...

So, while I've been exploring the world wide web I've found quite a few amusing sites and blogs that I thought I would share with you.

There's this chick at More is Better who just wants to meet everyone on the planet, and likes to talk about herself in third person, is crude, funny and calls a spade a spade. From reading this blog you will also find some other interesting sites she follows, such as www.textsfromlastnight.com which is a site that random Americans send their random text messages in for random public viewing. This site has actually taught me something about American college students; they are all sex crazed, alcoholic, pot smoking, lunatics! Are our Uni students like that?? Another site I found today while looking for some inspiration is www.confessions.com.au. You can confess your sins to the world, anonymously! How good is that?! And I have already put it to good use... I've also seen mentioned somewhere a site on 'guess her beaver'. You see a photo of a fully clothed girl, and then you see a photo of her unclothed. It's bizarre - who sends in pics of themselves like this for all to see? And how many actually get it right - landing strip, brazillian etc? And I bet you are all wondering what kind of inspiration I get from sites like these too... How not to be a sex crazed maniac, or where not to send photos of my beaver, or why drunk dialing is never a good idea...

But I also get my inspiration from my gorgeous friends and of course my life experiences. This blog has made me think more about everything, and writing this blog has become quite therapeutic; I'm loving it, and I hope you are too!

Why?

Do you ever wonder why people come into your life?

Why do certain friends come along at certain times, why do they only stay a short time and not a long time and then others stay forever; why do they come at particular times, after something good or bad has happened, or a lesson has been learnt; why do our loved ones die; why are we sent curve balls, why doesn't life run smoothly; why does it seem some people have a hard life and others have an easy life?

I have been single for a few years and I sometimes look around at people who are in relationships and think 'how did she get a boyfriend?' or, 'if she can get a boyfriend, how come I can't?'. Have you noticed how some couples seem to be made up of a real bitch and a really nice guy, or vise versa. How does this happen? And why? People say to me all the time that I need to kiss a lot of toads before your prince comes along and most of the people who say this seem, to me, as if they've had a pretty easy life when it come to relationships. I wish they'd just stop saying this actually!

Sometimes I have to stop and think that maybe I'm not the one having the shitty time, even though it's affecting me, but maybe the time the other person is having is worse. It's hard to think like this when something that is happening in your life is affecting you so greatly. I used to live with this girl who in turn caused me a lot of grief because of whatever issues she was going through and I kept thinking 'why do these things keep happening to me?'. But are they really happening to me? Or maybe I'm the one who is making them happen?? And is it because I'm a bad person and deserve a bit of payback (maybe from a previous life) or maybe I'm just unlucky and keep getting in the way. Or maybe someone up there is sending these people to me to teach me things about myself, make me stronger and a better person. Is anyone else this lucky or maybe unlucky, where do we draw the line? Is someone looking out for me and sending me on a path of a great future, or are all these things here to teach me how to be a better person because there is something big coming up that I'm going to need all this experience to help me get through? Or am I just thinking too much... again?

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.

My island adventure

In keeping with my theme of this blog and "re-creating" myself I have put my name down to attend a weekend 'work excursion'.

Now, I'm sure most of you won't see anything unusual about this, and definitely nothing to worry about... but, this morning I woke up having dreamed about it all night and feeling quite stressed! It's hard for me to explain why and I assume most people won't understand but I usually try to keep my work life and social life separate except for the odd exceptions.

Luckily for me I'm going with another couple of girls and after asking many questions today about what we will do on our island adventure, it was agreed that we are all in the same boat and all worrying about the same things. Yay, there are other weirdo people out there like me!

What to wear? I put my name down for this 'adventure' about a month prior to the date and I have been trying to work out what the perfect outfit would be all that time. Obviously I don't want to wear something that shows too much skin considering it is a work thing - so there will be no swimming in front of the others! And I don't want to be overdressed either. T-shirt, tank, flowy shirt, skirt, shorts?... oh, the dramas! I have a reputation to uphold you know! :) I want to look the part without looking like I've put in too much effort...like it just comes naturally! I'm not worried about what everyone else thinks, I'm worried about what I think!

I was also worried about what activities we'd partake in while on our island adventure, thankfully the other girls I'm going with have bike phobias too. Phew. Whoever made up that saying "It's just like riding a bike" obviously was a bit more coordinated than I am. If everything I did was 'just like riding a bike' I'd have some serious dramas in my life!

So my little island adventure is coming up in a couple of weeks so hopefully I work out what to wear, buy a new swimsuit and STOP freaking out!! I know, I'll be ok once I get there...won't I?!

Phobias, control freaks and OCDs

So, what's with Martha and continually moving on from one relationship to another? I thought Home & Away was supposed to be a role model for our younger generation? Isn't this giving them the wrong impression - it is ok to be single, it is ok to be on your own, you don't have to be in a relationship all of your life. It's actually a good thing to be on your own at some point, and it's a good time to learn all sorts of things about yourself; so why do all the characters in that show always have to be in a relationship?

Anyway, that's not what this post is about. Today's post is about fears...or maybe it is?

I think it would be safe to say that everyone has at least one thing they are afraid of. Leah, from H&A, has developed a fear of going outside (Agrophobia). It is something that has come on recently, due to a traumatic experience. I have a fear of catching the train. See, some fears are what I would call 'real fears' and others are just fears from thinking too much (my case). I catch the bus to work, when I live within 10 minutes walk from the train station. I tell people it's because I like the reading time, which is a great advantage, but really we get some creepy people on our bus so I would probably be better off catching the train, yet, I'm willing to risk it. I have caught the train once and I'm sure my close friends thought I was a freak for getting so worked up about it. I just thought about it too much, and I know there's nothing I should be scared of, I can not even give myself any reason as to why I should be afraid, I just can't do it. This hasn't come on recently, and it has been something I've been 'working on' over the past few years... I think it's a fear of 'new things'. I have a friend who is a bit like this also, but her fear extends a bit further than mine. She can't go anywhere new on her own. Not a new petrol station, not a new restaurant or shopping center. And I think for her, it is the same reason - just thinks about it too much and gets herself a bit worked up. Some people may laugh and think it's funny, but unfortunately, as much as we want to, we can't control it.

Control is another thing altogether. I'm sure we all know a 'control freak'. And yes, once again, I am one! I like to be in control. But I'm ok with it, I may be freakish, but I can deal with me and I know when I need to relax and breathe. See, I'm in control. But being in control of my fears is a bit more hard work. I find that I need to just stop thinking and do it. Jump out there, do it and then think. And I'm not a person who likes to go back, so jumping back into my comfort zone is not an option, I have to move forward and deal with it. So that's what I'm working on at the moment; I've caught the train once, I took me a while after making the decision that I was actually going to do it, but once I stopped asking myself 'ok, is today the day?', I just kept walking past my bus stop, and what do you know, I'm at the train station. Usually, once I've done it once, I'm good to go, but I haven't been again since that day so it's obviously something I need to work on. Maybe that'll be my job for next week...

It must be a terrible feeling to not be able to control yourself with things you know shouldn't be a problem. I'm reading a book at the moment where one of the characters has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Now I've always joked that I have OCD but now after reading about this character, it's not so funny anymore and I am very thankful that I do not have it.

A couple of paragraphs from the book,

"Did I leave the gas on? Is someone looking in the back door window? Perhaps the milk was off. Better smell it again before I put it in the tea. Did I wash my hands after taking a piss? Better do it again, just to be sure. Did I leave the gas on? Did my trousers touch the floor when I put them on? Do it again, do it right. Do it again. Do it again. Again. Again".

"Check the gas. Wash my hands. Wash them very thoroughly, so there can be no mistake. Use stronger soap. Use bleach. The floor is dirty. Wash it. Walk around the dirty part without touching it. Use as few steps as possible. Spread towels over the floor ot keep the contamination from spreading. Wash the towels. Again. Again. It feels wrong to enter the bedroom this way. Wrong how, exactly? Just wrong. Do it right foot first. And turn the left with my body - there, that's it. That feels better. But what about Marijke? She has to do it this way too. She won't like it. Doesn't matter. She won't do it. She will. She has to. It feels too wrong if she doesn't. As though something dreadful will happen. What, exactly? Don't know. Can't think about it. Quick - multiples of 22: 44, 66, 88.."

Oh my gosh, could you imagine being like this? It's exhausting to read, let alone living it, every day, hour and minute of your life.

So to all you people out there with fears and phobias and control issues. I hope your issues don't rule your life and you have the courage to stand up to them and face them. I hope you can move forward to live a happy life.

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."
- Ambrose Redmoon

I am wrapped!

This week has been a tough one for me, but has finished with a really lovely comment from my new follower Jess from curiousliving! And she's even mentioned me on her Blogroll! I'm so wrapped, I kind of feel famous... This is just how I needed my week to finish, so thanks, Jess. x

A friend in need is a friend indeed...

I believe a true friendship should never be hard work.

We have friends for certain times in our lives; school friends, friends with similar marital status', mother's group friendships, couple friends, work friends etc. Some of the friendships we make from these groups may become lifetime friendships, but sometimes they don't, and that's ok. I don't think it's a bad thing at all to have friends who you grow apart from after a period of time, as you move into new phases of your life. Their friendship serves a purpose in your life to teach you lessons, help you through things, bring you enjoyment etc, but sometimes you need to make room for new phases in your life, new paths, bigger and better things and life just seems to go this way, sometimes it happens unconsciously, and other times it doesn't. Moving on from some friends doesn't have to be a bad thing if you are doing it for the right reasons. Some people believe that all friends should be for life, whereas I believe that some friends can be just for a time, not a lifetime.

I've never had one circle of friends but separate circles which on the rare occasion may overlap, and I've always thought of that as a negativity - I've never had one big group of friends. But maybe it is a positive that I have a broad mix of friends; a chance to see different perspectives and having different fun with different people etc.

Sometimes we are just not meant to be great friends with everyone. There shouldn't be any negativity in knowing that if your life doesn't take you down the path of great friendship with someone; it is because it is the right thing for you, and the way your life is meant to go. If it wasn't, then it'd sort it's self out eventually. Someone once told me that it is important to be selfish, but only when it comes to relationships; you need to keep yourself in check and look after yourself.

After much deliberation over the last few months of where things are going for me, and what I want out of my future, I have come to the conclusion that it is ok to move on and let go. I have realised that not all of our friends have to be friends for life; it's just the path that someone up there has made for you and in-turn, the choice you've made about your future. Friendships are not about quantity but about quality. As long as you know who your besties are, whether they be for short-term or long-term, I think you'll be ok.

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." - Anais Nin

To all my special friends out there, thank you for being you and for being my friend. xx

Am I here?

Do you ever wonder who you are, or how you got here?

I often wonder this, and 'what the hell am I doing?' Have I made the right decisions, am I on the right course? What if I made a different decision earlier in life? Sometimes I feel like I'm just going with the flow, the life others have made for me, or doing the jobs that others have left for me once they've changed their course in life and moved on to bigger and better things. Is this really where I'm meant to be?

In the past I have not really been confident in my own decisions and choices, hence relying on others to help me make those big decisions in life. Sometimes it all gets a bit overwhelming and you lose your confidence and then, you get used to having others to rely on and start to take advantage, a bit. Which in turn, they do as well. You're always there for them to give their opinion to, you always ask their opinion; should you do this, should you do that?

There's so many decisions to make. Should I travel more while I can; move interstate/overseas? Change jobs, move house, save or spend? Shares or savings account? New car, secondhand car? Am I just doing the same old thing because it's easy, or is this the course I'm supposed to take? How do you know if you're on the right track and making the right decisions?

When I look around at everyone else they seem to know what they are doing; like they have found their way and now they are just moving forward. They're in great jobs, have earned respect, own their own homes, have found the love of their life and got married and now planning their lives together; they have a dog and babies are inevitable. It's like they're on autopilot, they know where their path is going and they are following it, stopping where they are meant to stop to smell the flowers on their way. Their lives seem easy, where as I struggle to decide on what to wear that day, or whether to take the bus or train. At the moment my life is pretty stressful, just getting through each day is taking up enough time and energy, let alone looking at the big picture.

Life is overwhelming. Last year was a big year for me, I've gone from having a hugely busy social life, to a hugely busy worklife where the only light I'm seeing at the end of the tunnel is the freight train heading right at me! Overall it's been a great year; I got the promotion and recognition I have longed for, bought my own place after months of looking, rekindled old friendships and moved on from others. It's exhausting. I sometimes feel like all I do is get up, go to work, rush around all day, come home and collapse and then do it all again the next day with not much fun in between. Weekends are always busy, but ask me what I've done and I can't tell you; come Monday I'm exhausted and doing it all over again. Although I have the job I've worked so hard for, it's tiring; where's the work/life balance? Who has time for a life? Is this how my life is always going to be?

How did your life pan out? Are you where you want to be? Did you make the right decisions; how do you know?

If my life slows down, will I be happy or will I be craving that mad, living on the edge lifestyle I've always lived? Is this where I'm happiest? Do you live to work, or work to live? Does it get easier? Ironically this is where I want to be. People respect me for the job I do and the friend I am; sitting here in my PJs, with a cup of tea on the lounge of my lovely little house; home on a Friday night....

Dating in Twenty Ten

My lovely English friend from Sydney told me about a new internet dating website she thought I should try; so, good old me who likes to try everything new before everyone else, has signed up and is giving it a go.

In creating my profile they ask about 50 questions on which they create a personality profile and then match you based on this. There is no scrolling through pages of random faces and for once a site where no one from the general public can go in and see you in all your glory on an internet dating site (phew!).

So it's been a few days since I signed up and I have had 4 'matches'. Four! Excuse, me, but surely there are more than 4 out there?? Firstly, only 2 of them matched my age group preferences, and none of them matched my looks preferences, not that that is an option, but unfortunately (for them?), I think there has to be some kind of attraction there, even if it is internet dating and so far, they haven't had anything else going for them!

I'm asking you, is it because it's early days for this new site and there are no candidates available, or, am I majorly difficult to match to??

Yes, I've been single for a while now, and been on many dates, and kissed a lot of toads, (but not as many as I apparently need to before meeting my prince) so a girl has got to wonder WHY it is so hard, and taking so long. But over time I've realised it'll happen when it's meant to happen, but geez, this is really trying my patience, of which I've never had much of anyway!

I've tried all the different scenarios like going for the guys with hot bodies, trying the 'opposites attract' option, going for the guys I wouldn't normally go for and lastly, the guys who have no money (are these ways of proving to myself that beauty isn't just skin deep, or that I'm not really judgemental or materialistic?), I've had friends set me up with their workmates and meeting guys on a night out. And yet, here I am, still single. But you know what I've learnt so much about myself and even though it's had its tough times, I have enjoyed myself, have some great stories to tell, and have become a better person for it (with great interviewing skills!).

So now, I'm just winging it. If a guy likes me and I like him, then why not? If he has kids it's a bonus! Well, hey, that's a couple less I have to squeeze out myself! If he has red hair, maybe I can help re-invent the wheel - they are a dying breed you know; or still living with their mother at the age of 40 (hm, the M-I-L might be a tough one to crack, might stay away from this one for the time being!). You know what, I'm actually so used to being on my own now, that dating has become a bit of a hobby, so lets see if I can get this hobby down pat and actually have something to show for it this year. :)

Stay tuned for more dating adventures...

Courtney x

Creating oneself

Hello and welcome to my first blog!

I am hoping this little experiment will be as fun and exciting for you, as it will be for me. I have never done this type of thing before, but I think I could be really good at it. I find that on Facebook I want to say more than I do in my status' but find myself holding back a lot because my poor Facebook friends probably don't want to hear my every thought, whereas if I had my own blog, friends from anywhere and everywhere may choose to read about my daily happenings? Here's hoping anyway! And let me apologise in advance, I really don't know how this is all going to work, ie, how often I'll post updates, or how interesting my babble really will be, but I'm going to give it a go.

Regarding my tagline 'Life is not about finding yourself, but about creating yourself', I think this fits with my new years resolutions in a way. This year I'm about making more of an effort and getting out there and getting involved a bit more, getting more control over my work/life balance than I have had in previous years and hopefully becoming more of an interesting person (more interesting than I think I am - please let me know if you think otherwise)!! So I'm hoping by updating my blog a couple of times a week, I will start to look for more interesting things to see/do and get involved in; thus creating (or re-creating) myself.

Please stop by and let me know you are here by leaving a comment - I've always loved visitors.

Over and out for my first blog; I hope it wasn't too much babble and you'll come back for more.

Courtney xox